The True Value Of Deep Rest

How many of us prioritise rest? Quality rest? Deep rest?

Do you regularly take time out for yourself? Do you know how to resource yourself? Do you schedule rest and make it a non-negotiable?

Never? Sometimes? Rarely? You're not alone.

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Our relationship with rest is often shaped by early impressions—what we saw, heard, and sensed in childhood, particularly adolescence. Many of us grew up in environments where rest was dismissed as laziness, while constant doing and productivity was praised as success. Over time, we internalised these sense impressions, leaving rest feeling unfamiliar, or akin to boredom.

And now, as adults, we don't feel worthy of rest, undeserving of resourcing ourselves with anything other than marginalised sleep. Our conditioning mechanises us to keep pacing the illusive treadmill or climbing an imaginary ladder, to get where exactly...? We could live an entire lifetime unconsciously going about our daily doings, never stopping to ask, "why"...

Most of us were not taught to value rest, let alone shown how to rest. Even sitting still can feel terribly unfamiliar, and terrifyingly uncomfortable, so much so we avoid it. We rarely sit still in quietude, because we're too busy moving and doing, and we make up a myriad excuses to support our beliefs relative to productivity, most commonly "I don't have time to rest."

If we do not make time for wellness, we will be forced to make time for illness. If we do not allow space to breathe, we will encounter pain and disease.

But even when we do get 5-10 minutes to spare, we don't value that time as an opportunity for rest. We doom scroll or pick up a coffee or call a friend. No judgement, shame or blame—in this current paradigm, we're all doing it! And we're doing, constantly. We are all distracting and dissociating ourselves away from rest. But why, when it's so vital to our health and wellbeing? Why is it so hard to sit still in silence, and simply do nothing?

We were raised to "keep calm and carry on". Keep on, carrying on. Keep on going carry on doing. And do so calmly, without fuss or complaint. Keep up and carry on!

We were encouraged from birth to effort and keep up by efforting. We were encouraged to learn to walk and speak in line with developmental expectations, forced to perform at school and do our best everyday, pushed to aim higher and work up the career and social status ladder, and conditioned to compete with our peers/colleagues and out smart even our closest friends. Work harder, faster, longer to achieve more, bigger, better—24/7, 365. En masse, we have been continually manipulated to keep achieving and striving and doing and pushing and keep up appearances, whilst doing it all...

...all for what...?

Is it any wonder why we are ALL exhausted...?

Why don't we choose to stop and rest?

Why don't we value time in quietude?

Why don't we know how to rest to resource?

Why don't we acknowledge when we feel overwhelmed?

Why don't we recognise what we need when we feel depleted?

Why don't we openly recruit support when we need to rest?

Why don't we say no?

Why don't you, say no?

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Invitation To Reflection

Take just a few minutes to reflect here. These blog posts are structured in a way to facilitate and support gentle reflection and self inquiry. Reading often isn't enough to see through our self limiting beliefs, patterns, and conditioned ways of doing. Here, we're inviting a compassionate reflection relative to the ways you continue striving and efforting. Pull out that lush journal you intended to write in daily and jot down some answers to the above questions if you feel to. And be intentional and sincere about this practice. There is no right or wrong, no-one is coming to mark your answers or judge your handwriting!

Honour yourself with this time. Prepare your space, light a candle, reach for the incense. Prepare your favourite hot drink (ceremonial cacao is a perfect companion for self reflection), get cosy by putting on some comfy chunky socks and wrap yourself up in a big soft knitted blanket and take a few minutes to focus your attention on your breath, or the candle flame. Centre and ground, and speak out loud or in your head your intention to see through the ways you hold yourself back from receiving the nurturance that is deep rest. Again, there is no right or wrong, or prescriptive way of being here. This isn't another doing.

Let your body guide you, let any movement be intuitive. We're not inviting shame, blame or guilt to this self inquiry (although they may appear), simply holding compassionate space for ourselves as we observe deeply our relationship to rest and resting.

1. How could I rest/resource myself?

2. How could I prioritise rest?

3. How could I value rest and resting?

4. How do I know when I have over committed/extended myself and given too much? And how might I pull back a little?

5. What might I need in times of overwhelm?

6. How do I know when I need to say "no"?

7. When I need rest, what do I have a tendancy to do? Often I _____ when I might need rest.

8. Resting means I am _____ (fill in the blank).

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So let's explore what rest might look like, starting with what rest is not.

Rest is not binge watching a Netflix series.

Rest is not scrolling on social media or online gaming.

Rest is not talking with a friend on the phone.

Rest is not consuming or indulging in food/drink.

Rest is not shopping.

Rest does not require anything external. Rest does not require us to consume, or to be entertained. Rest does not excite the system into pleasure.

Rest helps to regulate and restore the nervous system by activating the parasympathetic. Deep breathing, lying down and meditative stillness increase vagal tone, counterbalancing the effects of chronic stress, overstimulation, and sympathetic dominance.

Intentionally resting slows down the heart rate, lowers blood pressure, stimulates digestion and eases muscle tension. The parasympathetic is the "rest and digest" branch of the nervous system. Deep rest replenishes and rejuvenates. Deep intentional rest gives the internal system time and space to resource itself. Quality rest fills the proverbial energetic cup. Resourceful rest is nourishing and enlivening in a calm and restorative way. It quietly recharges our battery and brings us back home to ourselves.

Deep rest at its most potent is quietude. Sitting in stillness. Silent space. No disturbances or interruptions. And if a distraction appears in the room or a discomfort appears in the body or a disturbance appears in the mind, we are present to it, acknowledge it, and let it be as it is.

In the space of presence and quietude distractions, discomforts and disturbances dissolve.

When we stop to rest we can often be confronted by what we think we should be doing, or should have done. But is it ever any different? Life requires a lot from us. Our time, energy and attention, especially if we have dependents and responsibilities which most of us have many. All of our commitments create duties, often repetitive daily doings: feeding the kids; walking the dog... All of these have a huge energetic toll on the physical body and impact the mental and emotional body, and if we are not resourced enough to dedicate and presence ourselves to our daily duties, we are functioning from a deficit. Operating at minus for too long leads to burnout, and burnout leads to frustration and resentment towards the very commitments we agreed to who often rely on us to be response-able.

Burnout is where most of us are operating from and because it's the "norm" some, most, don't even know it! Many people operate from sympathetic overdrive—a state of constant vigilance (doing). Without intentional deep rest, the body never fully exits this survival mode. SO STOP! Don't wait for illness or disease to bring you to your knees, and surrender the drive to keep doing to survive. Rest boosts immunity, reduces inflammation and accelerates cellular repair and tissue regeneration, so if you are ill—rest. Tired, overwhelmed or frustrated—rest. If you're well, also rest.

Sit in stillness regularly to rest, reflect and self observe. Your quality of life depends on your state of wellbeing and conscious awareness.

When we truly value rest it can provide a pattern disruption to break the loop of cortisol and adrenaline release, calming stress responses and allowing the body to return to baseline. From a grounded neutral base, we have the capacity to respond to life from a place of resource, making available clarity and insight. Rest connects us to our bodies intelligence and wisdom, our intuition, our innate knowing and creative problem solving—as opposed to mental anguish and rumination.

Resting creates an open and safe space which can also give rise to some uncomfortable feelings, buried emotions from past trauma. Deep rest increases our capacity to feel and hold ourselves safely, whilst allowing our systems to process emotions without going into overwhelm. When we remain present to pain, psychological or physical, it often moves and dissipates with relative ease—relative to repression or identification.

Resting creates a space for remembrance where self worth is not linked to productivity, achievements or status symbols. Ultimately, quality deep rest reaffirms that peace is not something to strive for, but to soften into. Peace is our natural state of being—not doing—with no efforting required. Here we can give value to rest as a self honouring that says: "I am loved and worthy of rest".

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